


I bloom for you

by nnmykznrious



Category: GOT7
Genre: 2Jae, Drama, Hanahaki Disease, Light Angst, M/M, Romance, aro!youngjae
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 14:57:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17490086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nnmykznrious/pseuds/nnmykznrious
Summary: Jaebum catches the hanahaki disease





	I bloom for you

**Author's Note:**

> im so sorry for that shitty summary OTL

Recently, a strange disease has been going around. A disease that plants seeds in everyone’s hearts. Seeds that are cultivated only by unrequited love. So when someone loves so much and that love gets unreturned, the seeds will bloom inside the heart until the person suffocates and die. 

Unfortunately, I have it and of course I know why. I’m not that ignorant to my own feelings after all. 

The disease starts small, like having a heavy feeling in the chest. That indicates that there are seeds planted in the heart. Then I start to feel something crawl, something growing. 

That’s when I have gone to the hospital to have it checked, it’s the hanahaki disease the doctor says. I already know what he’ll say next “there’s no cure for this.” I know. I’ll have to bear the pain of unrequited love emotionally and physically. 

“A penny for your thoughts?” Youngjae says suddenly that it startles me a bit, snapping me back to reality. 

“It’s nothing important.” I tell him while adjusting myself on the sofa. 

I don’t really want to tell him that I have the disease, knowing him he’ll probably go nuts and he’ll scold me a lot for not telling earlier.

Youngjae is my best friend, he’s been a constant present for most of my life. We started as neighbors and now that we’re in college,(both pursuing music) we live together in the same apartment. We know each other all too well that I know harboring feelings for him is no use because he’ll never return them or more like he can’t return them. 

“You’ve been secretive lately, you know that?” 

“I’m sorry,” I give him an apologetic look, “but it really is nothing important,” as soon as I finish my sentence I feel that familiar itch at the back of my throat. 

I start coughing, it’s probably the stem or the leaf scratching my throat. I stand up to get a glass of water, ignoring the prying eyes Youngjae is giving me, in hopes that the itching will somehow go away and thankfully, it does.

I go back to the sofa right next to Youngjae, he still has his eyes on me. I look at him. 

“What?”

“You’re not sick or anything are you?”

My heart hurts, it hurts because he cares like this when in fact I’m ill because of him. He cares so much and yet he couldn’t even give my love back. 

“I’m not, okay? Don’t worry.” I force a smile. 

 

The scratching at the back of my throat keeps me up at night. I know it’s coming soon, I can almost feel it. I feel it’s gentleness in contrast with how the stem cuts or pokes the walls of my throat. I can feel my chest being stuffed with softness, and sometimes it requires effort to breathe. 

Then one night, I am awoken by the extreme itch I can’t rid; and covering my mouth to prevent my coughing is no use. So I open my mouth and cough and cough, until I start gagging and choking on something. I taste blood on my mouth with a bitter aftertaste. 

Then there it is, a petal. A proof that I’ve been so long in love with my best friend, that I’ve been loving him unrequitedly. That’s when it hit me. I love Youngjae and he’ll never feel the same. That realization is a thousand times painful than the physical pain in my chest. 

The next morning when I get out of my room Youngjae is already up. He usually oversleeps especially during holidays. He loves to sleep after all, so it’s weird he’s up first before me. 

“You’re up early, do you have something to do?” I ask while I rub my eyes to remove sleep from my system. 

He doesn’t reply so I just shrug and head to the bathroom to fix myself. I get out of the bathroom after washing my face and brushing my teeth.

“It’s 1pm.” Youngjae suddenly says, I stop on my tracks.

“It is?” I glance at the wall clock, 1:06

“Yes and I heard you last night.”

“Last night?”

“You’re hiding something from me, tell me. What is it?” Youngjae says and I can see his eyes filling up. I should not get swayed. 

“I told you before, it’s nothing. If there’s something, I’ll let you know. Okay?”

“Jaebum, you know you can tell me anything right?” His voice cracks midway. I might break even more if I see him cry, so I turn my back to him. 

“Yes, now I’ll get dressed.”

“You know I love you right?” I walk away, I don’t answer. 

I close the door to my room. No Youngjae you don’t love me. 

 

It’s a normal afternoon at Mark’s apartment and we are casually hanging out. Yugyeom and BamBam are on the floor, their backs against the sofa as they laugh on some random video they find online. Jackson and Jinyoung are out buying snacks. Youngjae and Mark are bickering on some video game while I’m on my phone pretending to busy myself with nothing.

I’m not really in the mood for talking or laughing, but I want to be with them. It’s been a while since we’ve hang out like this after all. We all plan to stay the night here since there are still a few days left of the holiday. 

I have gone to my doctor after I start coughing petals and he gave me some pills to take. Since those pills are still under research, I have to sign a waiver and stuff but at least I got them for free. Anyway, he told me that the pills can help eliminating the petals. However, there’s no guarantee that it could totally remove the plant inside me. I might as well say that this medicine is quite effective since I’ve been coughing less. 

“Mark you suck at this!” Youngjae says while hitting Mark on the shoulder repeatedly, a signature Youngjae move. 

“Stop hitting me, it hurts!” Mark grabs Youngjae’s hands and starts hitting him back. 

“Ouch that hurts!” Youngjae says but Mark doesn’t stop. 

“Serves you right for disrespecting your elder.”

“Jaebum do something!”

I just laugh, Youngjae should really stop hitting everyone. It’s been a habit of his and I think it’s cute when he does that, but he really should stop. 

“Of course he’ll turn to his knight in shining armor,” BamBam says suddenly that Mark stops hitting Youngjae. 

Mark’s face lights up as if he has the greatest idea ever. He gives me a smirk, he knows how I feel about Youngjae after all. 

“Okay I’ll stop, I don’t want to mess with Jaebum’s boyfriend.” Mark lets go of Youngjae, giving me a wink. 

“I’m not his boyfriend, we’re not like that.” Youngjae says. 

There’s that familiar stab in my heart and this time I know it’s not the flowers. 

“We all know that’s not the case.” BamBam says, this time he moves away from Yugyeom to come closer to Mark and Youngjae. “Tell me, Youngjae. Why are you still single?”

Ah, this is because BamBam doesn’t know. I know the answer to that, I’ve been with Youngjae ever since and there’s literally nothing I don’t know about him. 

“Bam, drop it. Youngjae doesn’t like talking about those stuff.”

The room is silent for a bit, until the door clicks and opens revealing a loud Jackson and a defeated looking Jinyoung. 

“Y’all don’t know what happened at the supermarket!” Jackson says enthusiastically. 

“I got lost!” He says proudly as if it’s some achievement. 

“This is not something to be proud of, you have no idea how worried I was when I couldn’t find you,” Jinyoung says and he’s close to tears. Mark notices this too so he goes to Jinyoung to comfort the other. 

That’s when Jinyoung starts crying and Jackson shuts up. He goes to Mark and Jinyoung to comfort their boyfriend. Meanwhile, Yugyeom and BamBam resume with their business watching whatever video there is they can laugh about. 

“They’re all so sure of each other,” Youngjae says softly, probably with the intention that I’m the only one who’ll hear it. 

While it’s not a secret that Mark, Jackson and Jinyoung are in a relationship, it’s not that hard to guess that it won’t be long until Yugyeom and BamBam finally get together.

I am not aware of his presence beside me until now. 

“Yea.” I say because I don’t know what else to say. 

“I hope you’ll find that person too.”

That takes me by surprise. “Why’d you say that?”

“I don’t know. It just feels like having a lifetime partner is everyone’s goal. Well, except me and you know why.”

“I’m not in a rush to find mine, so I guess you’ll have to stick with me in our apartment for a while more.”

The thing about Youngjae is he doesn’t look forward to romance. Although he entertains the idea of it, he doesn’t really involve himself much with romances.

“If it’s you, then I guess it’s okay.” I’m not sure if he intends for me to hear that but I did. 

 

After all the ruckus earlier have settled down, the seven of us gather in a circle and there’s an empty plastic bottle at the middle of the circle. It’s probably Bam’s idea to have this fess up time. 

It’s like truth or dare but just the truth. The rules are simple, we’ll spin the bottle and whoever the bottle cap points at, that person will answer a question given by anyone. I sit next to Youngjae. 

I’m not really paying attention for most parts, but it got a bit intense when stupid Jinyoung asks a stupid question to Mark of whether he loves Jackson or him more, poor Mark. I can’t fully comprehend their relationship but it works for them and they look happy and I guess that’s all that matters. 

The rest of the game is a bit of a blur for me since I’m not pointed at that much. Until the bottle finally points at Youngjae. 

“Finally!” Jackson says. “I’ve been waiting!”

I look at Youngjae, he looks unfazed. He too might be feeling the same as me. 

“Here’s my question.” There’s a smirk on his face, the one you’ll always find annoying that you’ll wish you can just wipe it off his face. “If,” he says with full emphasis on the word, he sure is taking his time with the suspense. “If Jaebum will be out of your life, how will you do?” Now everyone’s eyes are on Youngjae, Youngjae on the other hand looks stricken compared to his earlier state. 

I start feeling the flowers, this time I can feel it all. My chest tightens and I’m trying to catch my breath all the while trying to ignore the scratching at the back of my throats. It wants to go out. I can feel the petals coming out. I clutch my hand on my clothed chest and I start coughing. I can’t stop, I have to stop. 

I quickly stand to run to the bathroom, I make sure to lock it. Before I could reach the toilet bowl, it all spilled. The flowers, beautiful and bloody. I hear someone knocking on the door but I don’t want them to see me like this, so I let it all out until can breathe again.

It feels like forever when I stop coughing. There’s no more flowers to cough but I can still feel it in my chest. I feel it growing with every beat my heart makes. I quickly clean up the mess I created, fix myself before going out to face them. 

Everyone is gathered outside the bathroom, everything is a blur and the only thing that seems clear to me is the image of Youngjae on the floor, his face tear-stained, his eyes red. That’s all until I pass out. 

 

I wake up with a heavy chest. I look around the room, it looks like I’m still at Mark’s house. I notice Youngjae sitting on the left side of the bed, he’s asleep. I wake him up. 

“Hey, you can sleep here,” I say while patting the space beside me on the bed. 

He slowly opens his eyes and blinks repeatedly, he looks cute. He sits upright and starts stretching his back. He stands up and for a while I thought he’s going straight to the space in between us, but he doesn’t. Instead, he wraps his arms around me first before lying down beside me. 

“Jaebum, tell me what’s wrong.”

His voice sounds so sad and he nuzzles his head further into my chest. I feel his hug around me tighten. 

“There’s nothing wrong.” I ruffle his hair.

He looks at me and gives me a disappointed look. “Stop lying,” he says with a defeated tone.

I try to protest but he cuts me off. “Are there flowers in your heart?” He says so casually and I’m stricken. 

I want to say no but my expression gave it away. “Since when?”

I escape his gaze, so I turn my head away from him. “For a long time now.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

I can’t answer that, I can’t tell you it’s your fault. I don’t want to ruin the relationship we built all these years, I don’t want to lose you even if it will cost my life. 

“Who?” Youngjae asks, he must’ve figured out I’m not going to answer that question. 

“I don’t want to tell you.”

“Is it me?”

“Don’t ever leave me,” he says like a child and again my heart hurts. I feel his warn tears soaking my shirt, if only you’d love me back Youngjae, if only. 

We stay in that position until we both fall asleep. It’s really nice to have the person you love sleep next to you, I’ll cherish this feeling forever.

 

I remember that time when we first heard of the hanahaki disease. We were snuggled closely together on the couch watching some news since we really didn’t have anything we want to watch and the couch feels so much better when shared with someone. 

“That’s awful,” Youngjae suddenly said. 

“What is?” I wasn’t really paying attention to the television so I don’t know what he’s talking about. 

“That hanahaki or something disease,” he said and I still didn’t get it. 

“What’s that?”

“A new disease, sort of. Only people who have unrequited love catches it,” he say. 

“Well isn’t that unfair,” I say as I reposition my hold on him. We were kinda spooning with him as the little spoon on this little couch we share. It’s uncomfortable to look at but I swear it’s not. “Why do people who have to suffer from emotional pain also be the one to get physical pain?” I added. 

Youngjae agreed however he didn’t really seem too much into it.

Later that day, almost all news channels are talking about that new disease. Apparently there has been an outbreak or some sort of weird phenomenon happening right now and a lot of people are coughing up flowers. It scared me, I’m afraid I’ll get it too. 

That night, we decided to watch something, to take a break from all those sad stuff about that hanahaki disease. Midway through the movie, Youngjae suddenly speaks. 

“You know I’ve been thinking, with all these hanahaki stuff going on lately, that it’ll be impossible for me to get it.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t understand how someone can harbor so much feelings or attachments to someone else. I’m probably incapable of loving someone romantically to that extent.”

Every word was like a stab in the chest. I couldn’t even think of a response since I was too caught up with my own pain. 

“Hey, you still there?” he asked. 

“Yea, I’m still here.”

“Did you hear what I just said?” he asked and I felt him turn his head towards mine so I look down at him to meet his gaze. 

“Yes I did, if I’m not mistaken there’s a term for that,” I say as I try to recall what I’ve read somewhere, “something like a-something.”

“Aromantic,” he said before turning his body over, so that he’s laying face down on top of me and his arms found its way to my chest crossing it over before resting his chin on it. 

“I’ve been doing a lot of research about it and, even though I don’t want to label myself. It feels right to consider myself as aromantic.”

“Why?” I asked not knowing why I did. 

“It’s really hard to explain, it’s not like I’m unable to love other people. I can but not romantically,” he said and there goes all my chance at salvation from the hanahaki disease. 

“In my entire life, I’ve never been romantically attracted to anyone,” he stops for a while, “but I do know that I love you.”

“Maybe you just haven’t met the one for you.” 

“I would rather it be you than anyone else, I can’t even see myself with anyone in the future if it’s not you.” The way he said it made my heart flutter, he sounded so possessive I almost blurted out something stupid,

“We’d be bros forever,” and I did.

**Author's Note:**

> im posting this as a two-shot to pressure myself into finishing this because this have been long overdued, im so sorry. i hope you liked it and please don’t look forward to the next part, it’ll probably take me ages to finish. again, im so sorry.


End file.
